Ranked: All of Angelina Jolie’s Children

By: Jonathon Allen

6.) Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt (2008)

Vivienne will always have her defenders, and I can already see the hate mail that I will be getting for this (many of you I am sure put her in the top 3), but in the humble opinion of this writer, Vivienne turned out to be part of something of a double album that was overcrowded with ideas in dire need of editing. Not a bad entry into the Jolie catalogue per se, but arguably an indulgent one.

5.) Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt (2006)

Remember all the hype of 2006? Caught up in the whirlwind of Mr. and Mrs. Smith/Brangelina drama/and “The Office” references, you can be forgiven for thinking that Shiloh was the new Maddox, but time always tells, and I think the real answer for the Shiloh stans is that you just miss your college dorm room a little too much.

4.) Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt (2008)

I know, I know: this is the hipster choice. Too cool for school I may be, but I find the second half of the Knox/Vivienne binary to be a little richer in substance. You can hate me all you want, but at the end of the day, which of the two did you turn to when you were going through that break up?

3.) Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt (2003)

The sequel is rarely as good as the original, and this case is no exception. Although Pax proved to be a very strong follow-up (there are no weak contenders here in the top 3) he could never quite capture the magic of the innovator.

2.) Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt (2005)

Don’t call it a comeback! Just when we thought that they were nothing more than a flash in the pan, enter Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt stage right. In an alternate universe, I could easily see Zahara taking the top spot (she almost did!) but in the end that spot can truly only belong to one.

1.) Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt (2001)

The OG. I think we all remember where we were when Angelina unleashed this firebrand onto the world. There exists a United States before and after 2001, and I think we all know the reason why: Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt.