Early Cave Drawing Heroes

LECHEROUS ADVICE

By: Lech Czerwinski

I’m a bit of a class clown, but it’s starting to hurt my grades. Is it worth it? -SmileyFaceEmoji

So I was watching a documentary recently about the earliest known cave paintings found somewhere in France. As I sat in wonder about what kind of artists could have had the ability to paint such beautiful drawings that were showing the beginnings of animation, a question postulated in mi cabeza. Who/What/Where were the first jokesters of early man, and why weren’t we supporting this crazy bastard in murals??

A man or woman who could make others laugh must have been very treasured during those tumultuous times of hunt, gather, get injured, die a young terrible death. If in the cold darkness of winter, (wearing my sabretooth hat and tree bark soled shoes) someone was to tell me a good belly- laugh-out-loud-slap-a-knee-lose-my-breath joke……. well then, that man would become reigning king of awesome in the tribe.

Now he may not be great at leading the troop and strategizing how to survive, but that dude had to envied by all as lead Don Juan. And that’s the straight damn truth. Imagine, what other rubric would you even have then those around you for who or what could make you feel that good? This great man, let’s call him Lech, would have been your first legitimate Pop Star.

Shit, the dude probably had an entourage of young dudes that he taught how to roll cool.

This brings me back to my first question, why aren’t there any paintings of said man on some sort of stage, doing a mammoth-meat pie to the face joke? I mean come on, anyone getting hit in the face with anything, is like 99% of the time funny as hell. I feel this truth must be universal. Why then pray tell,  have we jokester paintings? Are you honestly telling me no one got pissed one day and hit some other guy in the face with a wet salmon and everyone just lost their shit on the ground laughing?? King fish smacker would have been hailed a hero!

So, these are the kinds of subjects I think about. It kills me that my wife doesn’t just keep working these subjects and we go even deeper. Inception style, maybe even microbes have a guy that’s hilarious as shit and comes up behind the other simple cells and scares the shit out of them with his tickling filament hairs. My wife and I have been together since high school, this kind of mad thinking is just the background noise in her life.

Thank God I have you, you small audience of people who may or may not be reading these columns and just being creeps who don’t like/comment on shit, and just spy on social media. But for those of you who do, salud.