5 Things To Grill This July 4th That Aren’t Your Husband About Why He Works Late So Much

By: Max Stolte

It’s Independence Day in the U.S. of A. Time to break out those tongs, wear sandals with thongs, and sing patriotic songs. If you’re like most Americans, there’s a good chance you and your husband have to work to afford to live. That means working late sometimes. What that doesn’t mean is he’s cheating on you with his younger secretary Bailey. Instead of grilling him, trying grilling some of these. 

1. Tomahawk Steaks

These steaks are huge and done right can hold in a lot of moisture, making them nice and juicy. You’re no beginner when it comes to holding in moisture, as you constantly fight back the tears related to suspected adultery with Bailey the secretary. Truth is, infidelity is about as rare these days as you are gonna want to cook these steaks. Try topping them off with some compound butter for a flavorful experience. 

2. Pineapple

As you may or may not know, pineapples are the symbol associated with swingers. That’s not why your husband wants pineapple. It’s also just a great fruit to grill on a hot summer day. Sure it makes a man’s semen taste better than usual and he’s got a long day at the office to make up for the day off today. But those two things are completely unrelated. 

3. Bratwurst

A Fourth of July classic, bratwursts with a stone ground mustard and sauerkraut are a sure way to your husband’s heart. The heart he pledged to you on your wedding night, remember? That’s why he has to stay at work late to save up for vacation with you. Vacations he much prefers to his week-long business trips with his secretary Bailey. 

4. Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños

These bad boys are the life of the party. They go off with a bang in your mouth bigger than any grand finale at the fireworks show. That’s the only banging and mouths you should be focused on today, since there is no mouth banging happening at your husband’s office at 9PM on a Tuesday. 

5. Honey BBQ Glazed Ribs

Buckle up, because these sticky, fall of the bone ribs are sure to be a crowd pleaser. Cooked low and slow as opposed too hot and fast, the way your husband would have to have sex with his secretary Bailey if he even wanted to get home by 9:30PM. There just simply isn’t time to finish those G39 reports, do a Zoom meeting with the west coast office, and cheat on your wife with the young and buxom Bailey. So quit being so worried and get to chomping down these tasty ribs!