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SCIENCE NEWS: Laboratory Accident Reveals Fire As Effective Cancer Cure

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By: Ross Childs HOUSTON, TX—Doctors from the MD Anderson Medical Center seem to have discovered an effective and permanent cure for cancer. A fire broke out in the Cancer Research Wing, and after the blaze had been extinguished, researchers returned to the scorched laboratory to an astonishing discovery: all of their stored cancer samples had been completely and utterly eviscerated. This is the breakthrough they’d been hoping to find for decades. The fire started when a disgruntled lab tech, Blove Scrattaman, stuffed a handful of aluminum foil in a microwave after being fired earlier that morning. The resulting firestorm quickly…

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Notorious Rascal Pete Davidson Simultaneously Dating Every SNL Cast Member

By: Simon Tessmer NEW YORK– Saturday Night Live actor and comedian Pete Davidson, famous for dating mega celebrities and crossing boundaries with his comedy, is romantically involved with every current SNL cast member simultaneously. After ending his engagement with Ariana Grande and being spotted around New York City with Kate Beckinsale, for Davidson dating all his coworkers at the same time was very much, “the next logical step.” “I don’t know what to tell you man, they’re all super hot and obviously hilarious,” said Davidson in the Comedy Cellar green room. “Things started getting frisky between me and Beck, Kenan…

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