Chicago Glory Holes RANKED

December 7, 2023
Local, Social, Travel

By: Micah Mabey

CHICAGO, IL—If you’re anything like our beloved 1950’s & 60’s queers, you love to peep. Peep shows, peep holes, marshmallow peeps (first hitting the shelves in 1953) – the whole shebang.

What’s a better way to peep, though, than a peep show, or in other words – a glory hole. Porous blows in walls at low, stick it through and feel that glow.

There’s no better city to find those beautiful holes, though, than the city of step-brotherly love and passion itself – Chicago, Illinois. And, so, Word Brothel presents to you: Chicago Glory Holes RANKED.

5. The Field Museum, Behind the Sarcophagus

Be warned with this one, if you’re not a fan of dry lips – you might wanna skip it. Easily the most historical hole on our list – the Mummy at the Inside Ancient Egypt exhibition has been giving head for decades. Knock twice when you’re done though, as to not unleash the cursed spirits that live within! (Though we’ve heard that sometimes that makes it better. Depends on your vibe.)

4. The Ferris Wheel on Navy Pier

This is less of a glory hole, and more of a glorious place to get some head. If you ask politely, they’ll stop you at the top so that you can overlook the city while squeezing one out.

3. The 4th Car On Any Northbound Red Line Train Between Belmont and Fullerton Stops

It’ll be the quickest and best BJ of your entire life, but, truly, we mean this – be sure to pull out immediately or anything over six inches will be de-headed. (The kind of briss that nobody wants)

2. Remember Berlin?

The iconic queer nightclub, recently deceased. (By no fault of the union, let us say)

Of course they’ve got a glory hole, too. But now that they’ve closed – it’ll be a little harder to get to. You’ll start by shimmying up the pole around back, not too far from the north side Belmont exit. Then there should be ONE small piece of building plaster ripped up by the ghosts of queer owned businesses of Chicago’s past (for your entertainment and pleasure). Your job is to bend it back into place, NOT further off. This is the code. Once you put the puzzle together, the trapdoor that was installed in the 80s will drop underneath you, and badabing, you’re in. Where in the building the hole itself is, is up to you to find. The hunt is part of the fun.