68% Of Americans Satisfied With The Lie, “I Love My Job.”

By: Madeleine Russell

A new study out of The University of Michigan confirms what you’ve always suspected about most people in your office and all the people in your newsfeed – 68% of Americans feel overwhelming satisfaction with the bold face lie, “I love my job.”

Dr. Henry Ham of UM explains, “What you need to understand is…it’s takes a lot of effort to find a new job. So even though the majority of American’s have nothing but contempt for their crappy, monotonous, low paying employment – they don’t want to spend any time on finding a better one by updating resumes, cover letters, talking to strangers, etc. That time is reserved for re-watching shows and striking out at bars. Thus the statement, ‘I love my job’ is acceptable and satisfactory to the average American.”

These statistics fly in the face of America’s underpaid, underemployed, overworked reality of, frankly, terrible jobs. But with growing pressures to keep health insurance, quality of living, and phone plans coupled with America’s tumbling, decaying morality, it is only natural that lies like, “I love my job” have become the norm. Just check your social media…

“Every day some eye drop using, button up wearing, coffee-breathed mouse pusher on my instagram feed has a saccharin, bullshit comment and hashtag about their stupid job. #work #motivationalmonday #OfficeWork #Cubicle #Money #Jobs #Networking #Infographic #Dues #Desk #opportunity #hustle #usa #inspiration #instagood #cool #grind #instadaily #build #followme #just #another #day #at #work.  Like, we get it.  You are #lying.” Comments Jessie, a local cater waiter and aspiring DJ.  When asked about his own career goals, Jessie responds, “It’s good money, you know.  And I get to sleep in.  It’s really not that bad” before excusing himself to sing ‘happy birthday’ to a table of middle aged women.

In the meantime, LinkedIn remains unblocked at most offices, prompting many Americans to ponder, “What about advertising?”